By Lyn Bates,
Contributing Editor

In this third and final article on women's attitudes toward using lethal force for self-protection, I will once again draw heavily on the responses that readers made to questions I posed in a prior issue, and as a questionnaire on the Women & Guns website.

Men and women sure are different-on that we can all agree. But are they different when it comes to self-protection, particularly with lethal force? At the risk of making sweeping generalizations, yes, there are differences, though exactly what those differences are is often hard to fit into neat categories.

Rhetoric, honesty, self-image, denial, emotions, reactions to conflict, fear, enjoyment, societal roles, were all cited as areas of difference. Interested? Let's explore some more

Differences
Quite a number of women have observed differences in the way men and women talk about using lethal force.

"I take the self-defense issues very seriously. I've never had to use force in self-defense and, honestly, do not know how well I would react in a crisis. I suspect that men and women have similar problems when the manure hits the fan, but that men are less willing to admit to trepidation and uncertainty."

"Just because men say they'd blow the 'Bad Guy' away in a heartbeat and dance on his corpse, etc., doesn't mean they're really prepared to do that. Men lie all the time about stuff like that. (I spent 20 years in the Marine Corps-believe me, I know!) Women tend to be more thoughtful and honest about it, if only because they don't have anything to prove."

"I think the major difference is rhetoric-the women I know who practice martial arts and/or weapons training generally are proud of their skills and hobbies, but they don't tend to make as big a deal about it as males. Men, I think, are less willing to admit to uncertainty or concerns and feel a need to maintain a facade of bravery to their peers and to women."

"It is not a game to me. I do not fantasize about blasting people- imaginary cartoon video people or real human beings - in an exercise of personal power."

"Women-more denial about any real threat, but when they 'get it' a real serious approach to learning what needs to be learned. "

Self-Image
There are some interesting feminine/feminist issues here in the area of self-image.

"Men (in a basically free society) assume their self-worth and their right to make their own decisions and do what they want, and they are willing to defend those assumptions. Women allow their worth to be defined by others and think someone else will take care of them and that it isn't 'feminine' to take responsibility for themselves. (Yet another word on my hate list. I am a woman. Therefore, whatever I do is by definition 'feminine.' No one else has any right to define that term for me.)"

"Women also tend to think of themselves as weaker and less capable than they actually are. Men tend to think of themselves as far stronger and more capable than they actually are."

"This psychology of warriors has to be developed and as women, we learn from men and develop a psychology for self preservation through them. Breaking away from stereotyping ourselves and learning what warriors are, learning what evil is in the world, and realizing we are not helpless. Developing oneself through martial arts is developing one's psychology for survival. 'Development' is the key word. It does not happen overnight."

Emotional Involvement
I've observed that men are often more emotional about their guns than women are. Most readers who addressed this issue seemed to agree.

"Once women do make the decision to defend themselves, they tend to be more thoughtful and intelligent (i.e., far less emotional) than men in pursuing that objective."

"For men it is not a big deal. Women because we are more emotional tend to work it to death. Gun ownership demands you know who you are, what you believe and the willingness to take the heat for your decision/beliefs. I think men are just hard wired to do that better."

"I truly despise the idea that women are emotional and men are rational. Although I think men and women do think differently (nature and nurture both operate here), to say that men are 'logical' while women are 'emotional' buys into and reinforces the absolutely false premise that men's thought processes are superior to those of women. Sadly, too many women-and most men, obviously-do believe it. In fact, when it comes to violence and guns, men are far more emotional and less logical than women."

We all know a lot of women who start out afraid of firearms, but one woman noticed an interesting opposite.

"I observed that most of both men and women I know are reluctant to buy and use a gun for self-defense. I was surprised to see the men being scared of guns the same way women were (and in two cases I observed the man being scared even more than the woman). I noticed that my American friends (both men and women) are much more scared of guns than my Russian friends (both men and women). It made me think that is might be a cultural difference more than it is a gender difference."

"Handling / avoiding conflict is a biggie. I've seen men think that a woman isn't prepared to protect herself when she talks about issues other than using force. I think she's just being reasonable, since lethal force should be only a last resort."

Women default to other options than men do when faced with threatening situations. Women avoid conflict; men see conflict as a test of their manhood."

"Avoidance-A woman with a gun will decline to go into a dangerous area, whereas a man is more likely to say 'Heck, we've got guns, what do we have to be scared of?'"

"Men use physical actions from a younger age to project and protect themselves, while women, use verbal methods."

"Women deal with dangerous situations differently. First of all, we come to understand what makes for dangerous situations and we generally avoid them. We develop that wondrous thing called 'women's intuition.' Avoidance is not a shortcoming; it is just a different tool to manage danger. Flight or fight-neither one is inherently more noble. The older I get, the more I appreciate the value of flight."

It is popular wisdom that women often don't listen to their inner warning system-that sixth sense that says something about this situation or person is wrong. I find that popular wisdom is false. Mature women not incapacitated by drugs or alcohol are very well attuned to these cues of possible danger. What is often lacking is the knowledge of how to deal with a situation after that inner alarm is sounded.

In classes
This is sad, but often true. One instructor observed, "Men seem to have more fun in classes, learning the basic skills."

Another commented, "The men think in broader views, the women commonly think out each step and detail, so are actually better at doing pre-planning and other mental-preparation tasks."

Roles in society
As noticed in the previous article in this series, role models are incredibly important for young women. A mother or grandmother's attitude toward self-protection and self-reliance can have a profound, life-long affect on a girl.

"I think that society still has us brainwashed into thinking that we need a man around to protect us. Most women seem to accept that with no problems. I just can't do that. It's just the image of the defender dad and the homemaker mom still hanging over our heads."

"Young men have greater parental and peer exposure to guns."

"I dislike the perception that for women it's a 'choice' and for men it's a no-brainer. People expect men to defend and protect themselves and their family, but for women it's 'something they do'.' They 'take self defense,' or 'they carry a gun.' It should be something that all persons do-as natural as learning to drive."

I would like to thank all the women, and the men, too, who took the time to share their stories, their personal histories, and their opinions with me. Not every response could be quoted in this series of articles, but I have learned from every one of them. Women are incredibly varied, as are men. Let's try to avoid sweeping generalizations while still recognizing some important differences that affect our ability to stay safe.

(Editor's note: Lyn Bates' survey of attitudes was posted on the Women's Firearms' Network bulletin board. Other results were discussed in the July/August and September/October issues.